Waste
I'm in my third year of CSE major. and I like my major very much. but i have never really done anything.
I am not good at coding. my cgpa is good but only cz I'm good at cramming. I got no skills I wanna research but I'm desireless.
why I used desireless because I know I wanna build something, I wanna create, I wanna fix and I wanna manage. I want to do all these things but yet I'm not doing anything. i watched one self-help podcast of Koe or that was his name I guess, from that i learned a thing,which is, its not that you wanna chane or you cannot change. its 'you' who wanna stay the same. its you vs you.
and indeed, indeed i knew what was i doing.
do you know the word 'hedonism'? i guess im at the peak of hedonist and im hating it also loving it. Also you cannot forget two things-
- only hard working now will get you rest later. not rest now and hardworking later. Here age matters, right timing matters also getting to know right people matters
- life is full of pains. here rest is luxury. and if I'm maxxing out all my luxury now, ill literally ducked up later.
I'm an obsessive person. it's not like i only get obsessed to people, I get obsessed to people less, I get obsessed to things more. and maybe im obsessed with laziness now. the thing is, i got intelligence, sharp mindset also strategies. but i don't have the 'hard work'. that's why the saying is correct, "Hard work beats talents." if you get things easily, you become lazy. Logically, life has to be hard, man. what im doing is nothing just wasting and ignoring life. I'm ignoring my life. but how long? like forever? hah, there's no forever in world's life.
what i need to understand is time is money, the time im losing now is the time ill regret later. and if i don't work hard in my major at least once, ill regret so much cz after graduation i need to search for a job. if i wanna be a slacker, i at least need to make my own money and resources. i need to give myself ways to make my own life easy.
i like to build things, i wann alearn how someone can build something,i also wanna have the ability that if i want to build something,ill build it. like that! i like complex things. so i need to work hard now. otherwise, i cannot never.
im thinking of doing at least one code to write and read about at least one tech things untill my graduation insha allah. and ill make a separate section in here for it. and ill update it everyday! insha allah every day!